Thursday, October 30, 2014

Holy Mother of Crap – Who the Fuck Thinks Like This?



Okay, so I admit that I’m often a glutton for punishment when it comes to reading horrifying web articles and/or blogs.  So when something from Mamapedia showed up in my inbox, my level of horrification (which is totally a real word that I did not make up, I swear!) skyrocketed up high enough that I had to immediately read it.

The title of the blog?  “Is Your Vagina a Fixer-Upper?”

What.  The.  Fuck.

What.  The.  Actual.  Fuck.

I read the blog.  

I’m not sure if it’s possible, but somehow, my level of horrification went higher.

Apparently, the blogger, let’s call her “what. the. fuck.,” talked about the fact that she asked her husband how she looked “down there,” and he then described her nethers using the terms “homey, charming, and slightly rustic.”  So blogger what. the. fuck. responded by looking up ways to fix-up her vagina, most of which involved surgery.

In the end, she decided that it was okay that her vagina was fine as it was because it was “the only damn place my husband is guaranteed to find comfort on a cold night.”

Again I have to say: what. the. actual. fuck.

There are just so many things wrong with that blog.

First, if your husband says anything about your pussy being “rustic,” “homey,” or “charming,” the correct response is to tell him to fuck off.  Anyone who insults your nethers does not deserve to enjoy them.  There’s no fucking way I would have sex with anyone who told me my pussy was “rustic.”  I don’t even know anyone who would think that way.  Who describes a vagina like they would describe a house?  That’s broken.

Second, you should not consider surgery simply because of what someone else says about any part of your body.  If she was unhappy with herself for some reason, I would support her being willing to get surgery to make herself happy.  However, even then I might question her willingness to have surgery on her vagina.  There are very few reasons to need it, and if the whole reason is to be more attractive to someone else, I think that therapy might be a better option.

Third, and this kind of speaks to point number two, there is no fucking way you should be happy with yourself just because someone else is.  It’s not a compliment.  You shouldn't think that, “hey, I’m fine because x likes me that way.”  You need to be happy with yourself.  Someone else being happy with you – not cool.  Especially when it comes to women who are making value judgments of themselves based on how men view them.  It’s not a compliment to be told, “It’s okay that I’m ‘homey’ down there, as long as my husband fucks it.”  I mean, break that down and really and truly think about it.  Would you say, “Hey, it’s okay that I get hives every night because my doctor is fine with it”? Or would you go find a new doctor?  Personally, I’d find a doctor who worried about what I worried about and took care of my needs, not a doctor who expected me to be happy because he or she was.  Bad metaphor, I know, but I just can’t think of any situation in life when a person would be expected to be happy simply because someone else was pleased.  “Hey, the pilot doesn’t mind flying the plane drunk, so I should be happy, too…”  Really. 

So – what. the. fuck.  Let me give you some advice: Your vagina is fine.  Enjoy it.  And if your husband doesn’t enjoy it, maybe you’re better off with him finding some other warm place to “find comfort on a cold night” and you can find something hotter yourself.

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