Thursday, October 30, 2014

Holy Mother of Crap – Who the Fuck Thinks Like This?

Okay, so I admit that I’m often a glutton for punishment when it comes to reading horrifying web articles and/or blogs.  So when something from Mamapedia showed up in my inbox, my level of horrification (which is totally a real word that I did not make up, I swear!) skyrocketed up high enough that I had to immediately read it.

The title of the blog?  “Is Your Vagina a Fixer-Upper?”

What.  The.  Fuck.

What.  The.  Actual.  Fuck.

I read the blog.  

I’m not sure if it’s possible, but somehow, my level of horrification went higher.

Apparently, the blogger, let’s call her “what. the. fuck.,” talked about the fact that she asked her husband how she looked “down there,” and he then described her nethers using the terms “homey, charming, and slightly rustic.”  So blogger what. the. fuck. responded by looking up ways to fix-up her vagina, most of which involved surgery.

In the end, she decided that it was okay that her vagina was fine as it was because it was “the only damn place my husband is guaranteed to find comfort on a cold night.”

Again I have to say: what. the. actual. fuck.

There are just so many things wrong with that blog.

First, if your husband says anything about your pussy being “rustic,” “homey,” or “charming,” the correct response is to tell him to fuck off.  Anyone who insults your nethers does not deserve to enjoy them.  There’s no fucking way I would have sex with anyone who told me my pussy was “rustic.”  I don’t even know anyone who would think that way.  Who describes a vagina like they would describe a house?  That’s broken.

Second, you should not consider surgery simply because of what someone else says about any part of your body.  If she was unhappy with herself for some reason, I would support her being willing to get surgery to make herself happy.  However, even then I might question her willingness to have surgery on her vagina.  There are very few reasons to need it, and if the whole reason is to be more attractive to someone else, I think that therapy might be a better option.

Third, and this kind of speaks to point number two, there is no fucking way you should be happy with yourself just because someone else is.  It’s not a compliment.  You shouldn't think that, “hey, I’m fine because x likes me that way.”  You need to be happy with yourself.  Someone else being happy with you – not cool.  Especially when it comes to women who are making value judgments of themselves based on how men view them.  It’s not a compliment to be told, “It’s okay that I’m ‘homey’ down there, as long as my husband fucks it.”  I mean, break that down and really and truly think about it.  Would you say, “Hey, it’s okay that I get hives every night because my doctor is fine with it”? Or would you go find a new doctor?  Personally, I’d find a doctor who worried about what I worried about and took care of my needs, not a doctor who expected me to be happy because he or she was.  Bad metaphor, I know, but I just can’t think of any situation in life when a person would be expected to be happy simply because someone else was pleased.  “Hey, the pilot doesn’t mind flying the plane drunk, so I should be happy, too…”  Really. 

So – what. the. fuck.  Let me give you some advice: Your vagina is fine.  Enjoy it.  And if your husband doesn’t enjoy it, maybe you’re better off with him finding some other warm place to “find comfort on a cold night” and you can find something hotter yourself.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Where Feminism and Fat Meet

You must be thin to be in...Brandy Melville clothing.  Image by sattva via
You must be thin to be in...Brandy Melville clothing. 
Image by sattva via

Except, and here’s the thing – it’s not really about being fat.  It’s about being human.

People are all different shapes and sizes.  For example, right now, I’m a larger size and a larger shape.  But, once upon a time, I weighed in at about 100 pounds.  And even then, I was a size 5.  It’s the way I’m made, the way my body does things.  I’m short and squat.  Even when I’m thin, I’m short and squat.

So when I read about a store called ‘Brandy Melville’ that only sells size small (which is really, really small), I was kind of displeased with their business model.  They sell small (and “one size,” which is really just another word for small in their store), and it has only 18 stores.  Yet somehow it’s growing in popularity, and it’s insane. 

Huffington Post points out that their only ‘skinny jeans’ require a 25 inch waist, which is commonly the size for 0 or 2.  However, according to statistics in the U.S., the average 16-year-old girl has a 31 inch waist. 

Clearly, Brandy Melville doesn’t care about the average.  They are looking for separating the skinny from the “fat,” and their definition of “fat” is a scary one.

Texas A&M published a study in 2013 that stated that more than 50% of teen girls “use unhealthy weight control behaviors, like skipping meals, fasting or vomiting.”

And Brandy Melville’s response – from one of their female executives – pointed out while girls may not be able to fit their clothes, they can still buy an accessory.

Ummm, thanks.  But seriously, no fucking thanks. 

Do you know what you’re doing, Brandy Melville?

Do you care?

HuffPost included a number of tweets at the bottom of their article that I find heartbreaking in the worst possible ways. 

Girls who state
-          Brandy Melville makes me feel fat
-          How to feel fat: brandy melville jeans
-          im too fat for brandy melville and it breaks my heart
-          crying bc too fat to fit into brandy melville.. sigh

What’s heartbreaking about it?

Because you can almost feel the eating disorders coming on.  The girls who feel bad about being “fat” because they aren’t in a size 0.  The girls who are told, “hey, you can buy a bag because you’re not ‘good enough’ to buy clothes.”

The judgment that this company is causing is damaging.  It is causing these girls serious distress.  And while I might not think that it should – while I think that they should reject the company and its horrible methods of creating a clique based purely on body type – that isn’t the point.  The point is that the company knows what it’s doing.  It knows the harm it is doing to these girls and their self esteem.  And it doesn’t give a shit because it cares about profit.

So why do I find this a feminist issue?

Because we’re all women.  And we need to stop judging ourselves and each other.  And we need to stop making businesses that exist purely to judge us.

So fuck you,  Brandy Melville.  Fuck you and the ‘accessories’ you’re offering as consolation prizes to all of us ‘fatties’ who have a waist bigger than 25 inches.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Another thing women are asking for…

is protection from upskirt perverts.  But, sadly, apparently the law doesn’t help them with it at all.

In the news on the October 10 was a story about a case from September 4 about a Washington, D.C. In the case, a female judge declared that women couldn’t have “a reasonable expectation of privacy” when they were “clothed and positioned in the manner in which these women were in a public space (sitting on steps in a skirt).” 

Let me admit that the italics are totally mine – but the meaning is there.

What the hell does that mean?

Women aren’t allowed to enjoy the sun in public?  Women must be sure to wear extra protective undergarments if they are going to have the nerve to sit on steps while wearing a skirt? 

The judge pointed out that the photos that the peeping tom took were “not ‘incidental glimpses’ and in fact were images that were exploded to the public without requiring any extraordinary lengths, or in fact any lengths whatsoever, to view.” 

So, apparently, if someone can easily look up your skirt, hey, you were asking for it!  Your body is on public display, even if it’s mostly covered, as long as you foolishly allow someone to look at the “upper portion of [your] buttocks and breasts.” 

And, yes, I mentioned the dates on purpose because it took over a month for this to hit the news.  How did it stay hidden so long?  Why did no one get outraged the day it happened?

I can’t help but be completely pissed off.  And hopefully you’re pissed off, too.  

Oh, and I went ahead and made up some underwear for those who want to help make your position clear: