Stop getting raped already!

On March 9 – the day after International Woman’s Day – a college (which shall remain nameless for now), went ahead and engaged in victim blaming.  They offered a session of “self-defense tips that can help keep you safe over Spring Break.” It sounded interesting, so I went.

Instead of an informative session of any sort, they only handed out a sheet: “Avoid being a target of sexual assault by following these tips.”

The handy tips were taken from PPCT Management Systems’ “Sexual Harassment and Rape Prevention Instructor Manual” from 2005. 

The tips included some good advice that would help anyone avoid being the victim of a crime. Simple things like staying with crowds and using security locks on your hotel room door. Basic stuff. Stuff that applied to anything.

But the other tips? Not so much.

They suggested that would be victims “examine [their] clothing for escape or defense possibilities.” Wait, what? I need to make sure that my shirt can also be used as a katana or something?

They continued with the good ideas: “do not engage in conversation with anyone that is aggressively flirtatious or who constantly tries to touch you.” How exactly do you follow that advice? Chances are that if someone is not taking hints to leave, and you tell them to leave, they won’t. Why is it up to the potential rape victim (prv) to stop someone from touching her? How is the prv going to control someone else’s body? Wouldn’t it be far easier for the person doing the touching to instead be told/taught that he/she should not be touching someone else without consent?

The last bit of advice that I wanted to share from this wonderful source was possibly the worst advice I’ve ever read.

“Have a verbal response ready if you are confronted by a potential rapist. Try yelling one of the following:

·         I don’t have time for this (expletive)!

·         I’m pregnant or I just had a baby!

·         I’m gonna throw up!

·         I have AIDS!”

Seriously.

As a woman, I need to declare myself diseased or pregnant in order to avoid being a victim of rape. Am I the only person who finds that beyond disturbing?

When I complained to the person in charge of the event at the college, she told me, “They’re just college students.” I tried to argue that college students are exactly the people we should be talking to about preventing rape, not just avoiding being raped.

Her response?

“C’mon, I get paid to make popcorn for a living.”

Yes. That’s what she told me that. And when I tried to argue some more, she threatened to take the materials back.

I wanted to keep the materials, though, because along with the sheet of wonderful advice, they also gave out first aid kids. Because, you know, that way, after you got raped, you could put a band-aid on your vagina and be all better.

Before I could walk away with my piece of paper and band-aid, a 19 year old boy who self-identified himself as a virgin came over to talk to me. He agreed with my assessment that the statements blamed the victims. 

He didn’t know how to fix the problem, though.

Yes, he said, people should not rape other people, but he noted that there were plenty of people who committed crimes when they shouldn’t.  Telling a person not to rob a bank when they want to get that cash would have pretty much the same effect as telling a person not to rape another person.

The difference, of course, is that when a bank is robbed, it’s rare for the public to rise up and blame the bank. The police don’t show up and ask the bank what it was doing, waving all their cash around if they didn’t want someone to come and take it. The defense doesn’t call the bank to the stand and demand that they provide a timeline of events to make sure that the bank wasn’t leading on the robber or having anything alcoholic to drink.

In the end, the 19 year old and I had to agree that the college was handling it the wrong way, but no one could define the right way to handle it.

And that’s what worries me now. Because when I went to register for my fall classes, I saw something that was even more horrifying in the fall catalog.

“Coming Soon!” the catalog announced – “Violence Against Women Prevention and Awareness.” The box told all about an upcoming “mandatory training” for first-time students. “The Campus Sexual Violence Elimination (SaVE) Act reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) and was signed into law on March 7, 2013. The law requires that institutions of higher education provide mandatory ongoing primary prevention and awareness programs/training for students that address several topics related to rape, acquaintance rape, domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking.”

Wow.

Let me repeat.

Wow.

The same institution of higher education that suggested women tell a potential rapist that they “don’t have time for this (expletive)!” has now been charged with providing a mandatory training for students.

Somehow, I don’t feel any safer.

Somehow, I worry about what they’re going to teach these students.

Somehow, I begin to wonder if I’ll need that band-aid.