It’s a trap!

I play some games on my phone, and as part of the free option, there are ads. Lots of ads. Probably too many ads. I say that because the ads become overwhelming and distracting when it comes to actually playing the game, and I wind up getting annoyed and frustrated at the ads.

Like the one for ‘Honey Trap.’

According to its Google Play page, “Have you ever dreamt of conquering the world and having fun with countless HOT beauties? Honey Trap is definitely your choice! The year's hottest mobile RPG “Honey Trap” has been officially released! Players will be able to experience the turbulent times when battlefields filled the land and flames of war are wide-spread. Come! Assemble your heroes and set out to conquer the world! The beautiful belles are awaiting your arrival!”

When I saw the ads, I had no idea that there was anything in the game other than sex. The ad that I saw, and the one that’s up on YouTube does nothing to say that there is anything other than sex in it.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjRMh-I72Ic

The focus of the game is to attract and get “belles.” The ad doesn’t even give them that much respect. It instead shows them as cards that you can flip over and “get.”

Can I "get" a what the fuck?

I mean, seriously, how sad is it that we are creating games where it appears the main purpose is to have sex with random (mostly Asian) women that have no lives and personalities of their own. I do understand the point of porn, and I understand that this is basically just an RPG of porn, but still. What are we teaching men and boys if we give them games like this?

People wonder why men and boys have no respect for women. Well, if they grow up playing games like this, I can’t be surprised. You’re basically teaching them to win women for their daring deeds.

Let me tell you a secret: women are not prizes to be won. They are actual human beings with their own ideas, thoughts, and feelings. They aren’t there for your amusement and your pleasure. They are there for their own, and if the two happen to intersect, success for all! But to imagine or pretend that women don’t exist except for how men perceive them to exist is a problem.

Again, I understand porn. I enjoy porn. This isn’t porn. This is purely objectification. There can be no arguments made that the women in this game are being empowered. They are being used. And they are teaching men that’s all they’re good for.

Stop getting raped already!

On March 9 – the day after International Woman’s Day – a college (which shall remain nameless for now), went ahead and engaged in victim blaming.  They offered a session of “self-defense tips that can help keep you safe over Spring Break.” It sounded interesting, so I went.

Instead of an informative session of any sort, they only handed out a sheet: “Avoid being a target of sexual assault by following these tips.”

The handy tips were taken from PPCT Management Systems’ “Sexual Harassment and Rape Prevention Instructor Manual” from 2005. 

The tips included some good advice that would help anyone avoid being the victim of a crime. Simple things like staying with crowds and using security locks on your hotel room door. Basic stuff. Stuff that applied to anything.

But the other tips? Not so much.

They suggested that would be victims “examine [their] clothing for escape or defense possibilities.” Wait, what? I need to make sure that my shirt can also be used as a katana or something?

They continued with the good ideas: “do not engage in conversation with anyone that is aggressively flirtatious or who constantly tries to touch you.” How exactly do you follow that advice? Chances are that if someone is not taking hints to leave, and you tell them to leave, they won’t. Why is it up to the potential rape victim (prv) to stop someone from touching her? How is the prv going to control someone else’s body? Wouldn’t it be far easier for the person doing the touching to instead be told/taught that he/she should not be touching someone else without consent?

The last bit of advice that I wanted to share from this wonderful source was possibly the worst advice I’ve ever read.

“Have a verbal response ready if you are confronted by a potential rapist. Try yelling one of the following:

·         I don’t have time for this (expletive)!

·         I’m pregnant or I just had a baby!

·         I’m gonna throw up!

·         I have AIDS!”

Seriously.

As a woman, I need to declare myself diseased or pregnant in order to avoid being a victim of rape. Am I the only person who finds that beyond disturbing?

When I complained to the person in charge of the event at the college, she told me, “They’re just college students.” I tried to argue that college students are exactly the people we should be talking to about preventing rape, not just avoiding being raped.

Her response?

“C’mon, I get paid to make popcorn for a living.”

Yes. That’s what she told me that. And when I tried to argue some more, she threatened to take the materials back.

I wanted to keep the materials, though, because along with the sheet of wonderful advice, they also gave out first aid kids. Because, you know, that way, after you got raped, you could put a band-aid on your vagina and be all better.

Before I could walk away with my piece of paper and band-aid, a 19 year old boy who self-identified himself as a virgin came over to talk to me. He agreed with my assessment that the statements blamed the victims. 

He didn’t know how to fix the problem, though.

Yes, he said, people should not rape other people, but he noted that there were plenty of people who committed crimes when they shouldn’t.  Telling a person not to rob a bank when they want to get that cash would have pretty much the same effect as telling a person not to rape another person.

The difference, of course, is that when a bank is robbed, it’s rare for the public to rise up and blame the bank. The police don’t show up and ask the bank what it was doing, waving all their cash around if they didn’t want someone to come and take it. The defense doesn’t call the bank to the stand and demand that they provide a timeline of events to make sure that the bank wasn’t leading on the robber or having anything alcoholic to drink.

In the end, the 19 year old and I had to agree that the college was handling it the wrong way, but no one could define the right way to handle it.

And that’s what worries me now. Because when I went to register for my fall classes, I saw something that was even more horrifying in the fall catalog.

“Coming Soon!” the catalog announced – “Violence Against Women Prevention and Awareness.” The box told all about an upcoming “mandatory training” for first-time students. “The Campus Sexual Violence Elimination (SaVE) Act reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) and was signed into law on March 7, 2013. The law requires that institutions of higher education provide mandatory ongoing primary prevention and awareness programs/training for students that address several topics related to rape, acquaintance rape, domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking.”

Wow.

Let me repeat.

Wow.

The same institution of higher education that suggested women tell a potential rapist that they “don’t have time for this (expletive)!” has now been charged with providing a mandatory training for students.

Somehow, I don’t feel any safer.

Somehow, I worry about what they’re going to teach these students.

Somehow, I begin to wonder if I’ll need that band-aid.

 

Being a girl in Staples

So a friend – who shall remain nameless – needed to pick up some special paper to print her thesis on.  Being a total freak for paper and pens and all manner of office supplies, of course I knew that Staples happened to carry the right paper.  It needed to be thesis paper.  Seriously.  It’s a special kind of paper that has to be cotton, etc, etc.  Awesome, right?

I happened to be at a Staples one day after she had asked me where she could possibly find this paper, and so I took a picture of the paper on the shelf and texted it to her.  She knew what it looked like.  She knew how much it cost.  She knew that Staples had it.

My friend then went to Staples to buy the paper.  She couldn’t find it because she didn’t know the super-secret place they hide it, so she asked an employee.

In response to the question to the employee, a random guy responded, telling my friend (and the employee) that to get paper like that, you had to go to a specialty stationary store.  Which was totally and completely wrong.  But he said it with complete authority – even though he hadn’t been asked – and then he walked away, convinced that he had just delivered a proclamation that all should (and would) listen to.

My friend ignored it, and, of course, found the paper she was looking for because, hello!, Staples did carry it.

Here’s where it gets confusing.

Was he being sexist or just rude?

If it had been a woman who intruded on the conversation, there wouldn’t be a question.  But how can you tell someone’s intent when the only thing you know for sure is that the person speaking is male and that what he did was rude. 

Would he have done this to a guy asking a question? 

I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt.  But part of me really has reasonable doubt that he would have felt the freedom to take charge of a situation with a male questioner instead of a female.  Hopefully someday it won’t be a question, and we will be able to tell the rude people from the sexist people, but for now…it’s anyone’s guess.