Can girls be gay?

Are we gay? Are we straight? Are we bi?
Who the fuck cares!

Seriously. I never thought I’d be writing about this, but after a conversation I had this past week, I felt the need to address this.

And, yes, it is a feminist issue. I shouldn’t need to explain that at all, so I won’t.

Here goes.

Girls can be gay. (I’m using girls as a generic term – replace it with whatever word works for you…I just always use girls and guys as my terminology.)

I can’t believe I had to post that.

Just in case you missed it, tho…

Girls can be gay.

Why did this even come up?

Well, twice in the same week, it was brought to my attention that some girls call other lesbians “fake” if they are trying to insult them, and a guy asked if a teenager I knew was “really gay” or if she just “thought she should be.”

Yup.

Why the hell would someone call someone else’s sexual orientation fake? Do we run up to straight people and be like, “OMG! You are so not a heterosexual! Stop pretending!” (Okay, to be fair, sometimes we do, like when we have a friend who is in the closet and afraid to come out, and we’re trying to be supportive in a totally unsupportive way…) But, in general, we wouldn’t think of accusing someone of pretending to be straight as an insult.

And why the hell would a girl be a lesbian because she “thought she should be”? Who thinks they have to be gay? Was there some sort of indoctrination meeting I missed? Should I also be pretending to be gay so I can fit in and be cool? Why would I pretend that? So I can get discriminated against? So I can worry that my friends and family will reject me? So I can wonder if I can walk safely down the street?

Look, guys – and girls – I hate to break this to you, but some girls like other girls. And some girls like both girls and guys. And some girls like guys. And it’s all good, and it’s all okay. What’s not okay is to question someone else’s sexuality. It’s not good to ask if someone is faking their sexual orientation.

So, the take away from this blog?

Stop being a douche. If someone tells you their sexual orientation, tell them, “Oh, okay,” and go on with your lives. It doesn’t matter, and you don’t get to judge.

What would Jesus do? What would a feminist do?

Image by stockimages via freedigitalphotos.net

Let me tell you two stories.

The first one happened when I was working on my Associate’s degree oh so many years ago.  It was during the height of the WWJD bracelet craze.  Everyone was wearing at least one.  I was sitting in class one day when I heard two people talking.  The first person was telling the second person how much she liked the WWJD bracelet she was wearing.  First person said that she knew that you were supposed to give the bracelet away when someone asked about it, along with telling them all about Jesus, but she had gotten the bracelet from a cute guy, and so she wanted to keep it.  She figured that people who didn’t know what it meant didn’t know that she was supposed to give it to them, so it would be okay.  Her friend – person number two – was agreeing and yeah-ing and hmmm-ing at all the right parts of the story.  And I sat there, rather amused that someone who professed to love Jesus and believe in sharing didn’t have quite the same level of faith as soon as a cute boy became involved.

The second story happened years later.  I was working on my Master’s of Liberal Arts.  I was doing a paper with someone else – a “group” assignment – about Betty Friedan.  While I think NOW is a great organization, and she definitely helped to start it up, she was also pretty whacked out.  She didn’t want to include lesbians in the organization.  She feared that they would try to convert her to lesbianism.  (I don’t know that she needed to worry about that…)  Regardless, it was another case of someone who didn’t quite get the purpose.  Just like the people who refused to give out her special bracelet, Friedan didn’t want to give up her special organization to people she didn’t think she needed to care about.

Why did I bother making you read about those experiences?

Because there was a recent intersection.

A church in Lakewood, Colorado, stopped a woman’s funeral because it was displaying a picture of her with her wife.  The wife she had two children with.  Because, you know, it was a sign she was gay.  And the church couldn’t possibly accept that.

Apparently, the church didn’t get it either.  They, just like the girls in the college classroom, decided that God was okay with them picking and choosing what they did.  They only had to listen to God when it agreed with their own likes.  And, just like Friedan, the church decided that they needed to fear something ‘different.’

As feminists, we need to embrace all other women. We need to share our bracelets with anyone who asks about them.  We need to understand that no one is going to try to ‘convert’ us.  Feminism is about supporting everyone, wanting everyone to be equal.  We need to mourn with her family, and we need to share the story. 

Another thing women are asking for…

is protection from upskirt perverts.  But, sadly, apparently the law doesn’t help them with it at all.

In the news on the October 10 was a story about a case from September 4 about a Washington, D.C. In the case, a female judge declared that women couldn’t have “a reasonable expectation of privacy” when they were “clothed and positioned in the manner in which these women were in a public space (sitting on steps in a skirt).” 

Let me admit that the italics are totally mine – but the meaning is there.

What the hell does that mean?

Women aren’t allowed to enjoy the sun in public?  Women must be sure to wear extra protective undergarments if they are going to have the nerve to sit on steps while wearing a skirt? 

The judge pointed out that the photos that the peeping tom took were “not ‘incidental glimpses’ and in fact were images that were exploded to the public without requiring any extraordinary lengths, or in fact any lengths whatsoever, to view.” 

So, apparently, if someone can easily look up your skirt, hey, you were asking for it!  Your body is on public display, even if it’s mostly covered, as long as you foolishly allow someone to look at the “upper portion of [your] buttocks and breasts.” 

And, yes, I mentioned the dates on purpose because it took over a month for this to hit the news.  How did it stay hidden so long?  Why did no one get outraged the day it happened?

I can’t help but be completely pissed off.  And hopefully you’re pissed off, too.  

Oh, and I went ahead and made up some underwear for those who want to help make your position clear:

http://www.cafepress.com/katesgeekystuffandmore.1409080234

http://www.cafepress.com/katesgeekystuffandmore.1409080235