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| Yeah, I'm looking at you! (Image by Karpati Gabor, via morgueFile) |
So the world is all atwitter (quite literally) because of
Dylan Farrow’s statements against Woody Allen and Stephen King’s tweets about
them. The quick summary: Farrow was
upset that Allen is still being honored, despite accusations of molestation
when she was seven years old. King
tweeted that he felt that there was “palpable bitchery” in the letter that
Farrow wrote to the New York Times. The conversation continued, with King saying
that he “[didn’t] like to think it’s true” and then finally asking for “mercy”
when people flooded him with negative comments.
First up: the irony.
Stephen King, in his book Dolores Clairborne,
has his character kill off a child molester in order to protect her
family. (Yes, it’s her husband…)
Hmmm. In the real
world, when a girl comes forward and says that her father has molested her,
King wants it to be untrue. But in a
fictional world, it’s all good and sympathetic for a woman to kill her husband
for molesting their child. Admittedly,
the fictional world is not the real world, but to write a book that attempts to
justify a murder through child abuse and then hope that it doesn’t happen in
the real world…how does that cognitive dissonance work exactly?
Second up: the personal connection. No, I was not molested as a child. However, a family member was molested by her
father. Not naming names as one of the
parties involved is still alive…but this happened back well before I was born,
and it did involve my grandfather (who is dead now). I only learned of it when my sister and I
turned about 12 and 13, and my grandfather, who had previously shown no
interest in us, began asking my parents to allow us to go visit him overnight
up in New York state. My parents
refused, but my sister and I, unhappy at being stymied from going away,
protested, and it was finally explained to us why they would not let us
go.
Meanwhile, the only punishment that he ever received for his
crime was that his wife divorced him and took their children away. Did he ever molest anyone else? How did the person he molested ever deal with
it and stay “friends” with him? This, to
me, is completely mind-boggling. After
learning that about him, I couldn’t stand him, and I wished that he had been
put in prison or somehow punished for his actions against a child. But he wasn’t. And because of the year and the fact it was family,
people just pushed it aside and kept going.
But it was wrong. Very, very
wrong. And it was not something that
should be easily forgiven nor forgotten.
Because of that, while I can’t feel Farrow’s pain, I can
definitely understand her feelings of betrayal from the world at large. How can people celebrate and honor someone
who is so capable of doing such a heinous thing? How can you forgive that just because someone
is talented at something else? If Allen
had put someone in a coma…if he had murdered someone…or if he had been formally
charged, would it have made a difference?
Third up – and the final point I feel the need to make: this
brings up the most horrifying aspect of child abuse, in my opinion. The lack of faith and belief in children when
they bring these things forward. Now, I’m
not saying that there are times when there are false accusations. I grew up in Maplewood, NJ, home of the
infamous Kelly Michaels case. But, by and large, I do believe that if
children are brave enough to come forward, we need to believe them.
In the case of Farrow, back in 1993 in Connecticut, “State'sAttorney Frank Maco says there was "probable cause" to charge Allenwith molesting Dylan and that police had drawn up an arrest warrant, but thathe decided not to pursue the case, in part because it would traumatize Dylan.”
How sad that it never went forward. And how sad that so many children are treated
this way.
In a CNN article, “The Rapist Next Door,”
one girl shared her story of how, when she told that she was being molested by
her brother, she was sent into foster care.
A boy who tried to tell that he was being molested was accused of being
liar and a “no good, mischievous boy.”
Knowing that those who were abused or molested are more likely to abuse
or molest themselves (according to one study of incarcerated child molesters,
30 to 70 percent were themselves sexually abused, according to the New York Times,
we should be seeking out these cases and helping the children, not ignoring
them and their pain.
Perhaps this blog doesn’t belong under a feminist heading –
it’s not just about women or girls. It’s
not just about boys or men. It’s about a
lack of faith in believing when problems are reported. In many cases, yes, it is women and girls who
are ignored, but it’s also children and adults who are ignored when they report
a case. Or, in even worse cases, are accused
of being responsible for the crime.
So, truly, I find that lack of faith almost as disturbing as
the crime itself.
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